A SHOCKING PRE-FALL (THE SEASON FORMERLY KNOWN AS SUMMER)

While the fashion world was sitting around feeling fat Burberry went and repeated their pre-Fall collection from last year. And no one noticed. Except this guy right here. You see, I'm still sharp as a tack. I didn't go home and gorge myself on turkey and fixins. No. I stayed in New York, weeping over delivered Chinese and painting an Octopus print. So here's their 2011 pre-Fall:

And here's their 2012 pre-Fall:

It's a mother fuckin outrage! Christopher Bailey has a 65 person design team at Burberry. How many designers does it take to change a tie belt to a bow belt? 66 apparently.

There's a lesson to be learned somewhere in here. Bailey is a multi-millionaire. I am not.

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THE GREAT TREND DROUGHT OF 2011

We are in the midst of a SEVERE trend drought the likes of which hasn't been seen since the 90s. When I was an infant.

First I thought it was just me. I don't necessarily get out as much as normal people. But I still do a lot of socializing. When I'm not on OKCupid instant messaging with a gorgeous, successful man you can find me on Tumblr questioning my decision to follow a 15 year old cutter with rainbow hair (if I stop following her will she hurt herself more?) You should really see the hair on Tumblr though, it's amazing. Here, I'll show you.

Fuckin nuts. And the manicures they come up with - beyond. Those are the trends - colorful hair, over the top nails and glittery shoes. But no clothes. Who wants another pair of skinny jeans or leggings? Hard to get excited about a maxi dress, mini dress, one shoulder or body con dress. I blame Prada and Gucci and the rest of those assholes. They've been pushing hideous colorblocking for a whole year. And the worst part is they're still sitting pretty selling handbags to old ladies while the 99% of the fashion world suffer.

The biggest victims are outfit bloggers and the girls that love them. Going to some sites now is like going to a strip club where all the girls are wearing Snuggies. Disappointing and unattractive. Thank god for Man Repeller, who is now on top. In times like these you need a sense of humor to survive.

Look at Rumi of Fashiontoast. She pretty much invented the brown ombre hair/tiny cut off shorts/ sexy boho thing. Everyone copied her look. Now her site is ground zero for the trend drought. Here's most of her outfits from the last 3 months.

I don't know what's worse, the repetitive sweater/skirt combo or the pants. Yes I do. The pants. No one with her body should hit the town in slacks. It's just wrong.

Luckily I have a solution. Wear my clothes. They never go out of style because they were never in style. Perhaps I should start a charity. I'm already unintentionally running a not-for-profit. Rumi, call me. Two words: cat! tee!

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