LEILA $HAM$

A SHOCKING PRE-FALL (THE SEASON FORMERLY KNOWN AS SUMMER)

2011-12-12T09:52:00.003-05:00

While the fashion world was sitting around feeling fat Burberry went and repeated their pre-Fall collection from last year. And no one noticed. Except this guy right here. You see, I'm still sharp as a tack. I didn't go home and gorge myself on turkey and fixins. No. I stayed in New York, weeping over delivered Chinese and painting an Octopus print. So here's their 2011 pre-Fall:

And here's their 2012 pre-Fall:

It's a mother fuckin outrage! Christopher Bailey has a 65 person design team at Burberry. How many designers does it take to change a tie belt to a bow belt? 66 apparently.

There's a lesson to be learned somewhere in here. Bailey is a multi-millionaire. I am not.

.

THE GREAT TREND DROUGHT OF 2011

2011-11-29T14:36:00.022-05:00

We are in the midst of a SEVERE trend drought the likes of which hasn't been seen since the 90s. When I was an infant.

First I thought it was just me. I don't necessarily get out as much as normal people. But I still do a lot of socializing. When I'm not on OKCupid instant messaging with a gorgeous, successful man you can find me on Tumblr questioning my decision to follow a 15 year old cutter with rainbow hair (if I stop following her will she hurt herself more?) You should really see the hair on Tumblr though, it's amazing. Here, I'll show you.

Fuckin nuts. And the manicures they come up with - beyond. Those are the trends - colorful hair, over the top nails and glittery shoes. But no clothes. Who wants another pair of skinny jeans or leggings? Hard to get excited about a maxi dress, mini dress, one shoulder or body con dress. I blame Prada and Gucci and the rest of those assholes. They've been pushing hideous colorblocking for a whole year. And the worst part is they're still sitting pretty selling handbags to old ladies while the 99% of the fashion world suffer.

The biggest victims are outfit bloggers and the girls that love them. Going to some sites now is like going to a strip club where all the girls are wearing Snuggies. Disappointing and unattractive. Thank god for Man Repeller, who is now on top. In times like these you need a sense of humor to survive.

Look at Rumi of Fashiontoast. She pretty much invented the brown ombre hair/tiny cut off shorts/ sexy boho thing. Everyone copied her look. Now her site is ground zero for the trend drought. Here's most of her outfits from the last 3 months.

I don't know what's worse, the repetitive sweater/skirt combo or the pants. Yes I do. The pants. No one with her body should hit the town in slacks. It's just wrong.

Luckily I have a solution. Wear my clothes. They never go out of style because they were never in style. Perhaps I should start a charity. I'm already unintentionally running a not-for-profit. Rumi, call me. Two words: cat! tee!

.

FALL 2012 MOODY BOARD

2011-11-22T05:05:00.011-05:00

I'm obsessed with Tumblr. I can't believe how easy it is to find inspiring images for mood boards. We used to go to the magazine store and buy as much as we could carry - like $500 worth of stuff. Then we'd spend days flipping past ads and tearing out the same old crap. It was a wasteful and boring process.

It sneaks up on you - exaggerating like a senior citizen. It's like telling kids, "I knew you when you were this big!" You never think you're gonna be a cliche old person - and then one day you are. I'm making it like magazines were the quaint notion of a bygone era. They will be though!

Anyway I put these Fall 2012 mood boards together mostly from Tumblr images. I was especially inspired by:
http://rollthedrumss.tumblr.com
http://sophiehay.tumblr.com
http://diamond-meadows.tumblr.com

I'm craving a complete departure from last season - no bright colors or short skirts. I feel like listening to Morrissey, dying my hair purple, and sketching dead animals. Who's old now? I'm me at 15. Thinking of calling it DEATH BY DROWNING.

Source for images can be found on my Tumblr www.leilashams.tumblr.com

JUNK IN THE TRUNK

2011-11-20T21:36:00.011-05:00

This lovely lady is Oneal Morris. She was recently arrested for performing medical procedures on another woman without a license.

Her patient went to the hospital several times with severe pain but got too embarrassed to tell the doctors what had happened and went home. Finally her mom rushed her to the hospital in the nick of time - she was almost dead.

The victim was right to be embarrassed - she is the dumbest woman in the world. Personally I won't even get a blowout by someone with crooked eye brows because it means she's aesthetically challenged. So when a woman with a 25" waist and 95" hips attempts to inflate your buttocks with an unknown substance you head for the fuckin hills. Her top however is gorgeous. If she was wearing that top the day of the surgery I can understand why the victim looked past the red flags. You see, I designed that top.

Here it is in the DKNY Jeans showroom, many moons ago:

This photo also proves that I started the no pants trend

Oneal Morris, who is actually a transgendered man, inserted a tube into the woman's butt and pumped it with a mixture of cement, fix-a-flat tire sealant and mineral oil. He then sealed the wound with super glue. It's not surprising that the woman almost died. What is really fucking surprising is that Oneal has done this to himself and he's still walkin around in open toed sock-shoes and halter tops. That tranny is indestructible. Don't arrest it - study it!

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

2011-11-18T07:02:00.002-05:00

I recently dyed my hair darker and made the ends pink.

So did Snooki. Wah.

Meanwhile check out these old pics of Snooks. What in the world?!! Who is this person?

DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH

2011-11-18T05:50:00.005-05:00

My brother was supposed to write a guest post but it's been a week and I've gotten nothin. I don't know why I'm surprised - the Shams family isn't exactly known for their timeliness. Look at our family crest:

Operor Non Habitum Vestri Spiritus loosely translates to "don't hold your breath".

While we're waiting on my brother's post (I'm told it's about how we're both pathetic) enjoy these two random old tidbits.

This is a design a janitor sketched for me when we both worked at DKNY. Not bad

This is a cartoon depicting my first work trip to Europe. "Could we get some fried cheesy poofs over here?! FROMAGES POOFEES"

HILLARY DUFF CIRCA FOREVER 21

2011-11-11T02:40:00.003-05:00

A few years ago I was minding my own bidness when a girl asked if she could take my picture. I figured it was for a style blog which was real wishful thinking considering what I was wearing. The next day I appeared on an adorable site called Street Carnage as STREET BONER 673.

It started out nice enough. I was awarded 10 pussies, the highest honor bestowed upon a street boner. But the comments quickly turned ugly. Here's some highlights:

2345670987654 was written by my ex. I told him to say we were pregnant so people would stop making fun of my belly. Pretty bold of him to use an alias so similar to his name.

Colleen, jaw-r (Jordi) and bwrong (Brian) were also friends coming to my defense. I love Jordi's third boob comment. Brian's insinuation that I've had extensive plastic surgery and I'm out every night was not particularly helpful.

My favorite is "with the addition of a tricorner Paul Revere hat this ensemble might have worked". Seriously what the fuck was I wearing? Perhaps I was just ahead of my time. In 2009 I was accused of being color blind. In 2011 I'd be accused of color blocking.

Thank goodness for men who are able to look past our questionable wardrobe choices. God bless you, Jesus Shit.

ZOMBIES ARE THE NEW BACON

2011-11-09T23:10:00.009-05:00

Here's a list of ladies following one Twitter user:

These accounts were created by a company that you pay to get more followers. I hope the person who bought this crew has a shit ton of bacon tweets lined up. And how did all these girls get certified in gaming? I bet that certificate gets them laid ALL THE TIME.

Here's another piece of the same follower list:

Looks like zombie fanatics might eventually become the most popular fake users on Twitter, easily beating bacon evangelists and giving subtly charming bacon enthusiasts a run for their money.

Bacon has been a trend for years. Some claim it started with this 2006 post about taping bacon to a cat http://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/09/13/clearly-you-people-thought-i-was-kidding/ The trend caught on due to its anti-foodie/anti-healthy message. Pretty soon there were bacon bras, alarm clocks, band-aids, and iPhone apps.

Zombies seemed to pop up quite suddenly (a very non-zombie like trait). Maybe if I had my gaming certificate I would've seen the trend coming but it feels like overnight people stopped using their iPhones to make themselves appear obese and started using them to appear undead.

John Foscante, a self proclaimed zombie expert, claims that zombie fanatics are anti-vampire; vampires represent all that is sexy, rich, and fashionable. As Chiara Sullivan, a student of John's, puts it, "zombies represent the 99% and vampires are the dicky bankers".

The bacon and zombie trends signify a rejection of refined tastes. This stinks of another tragic movement, a dark stain on American history when the unkempt masses turned against the sexy minority.

the Disco Demolition Riot of 1979. reversible sign ready for action

guess settling this with a dance off is out of the question

OLD LOOKING CELEBS

2011-11-08T16:48:00.011-05:00

Growing up in Towson, Maryland there's two things I wanted more than anything in the world: to be thin and to be white. The fat free craze really got me good. I only ate pasta and potatoes and wondered why I was chubby. Being Iranian wasn't fun either. My dad, then the president of the Iranian American Society, would receive bomb threats when he threw a party. If you didn't speak Farsi (as my brother and I don't) an IAS party was something to dread, when it was possibly your last party ever: total nightmare.

Moving to New York to go to fashion school was the best thing that could've happened to me. The only time you saw blondes was when a freshly gay dorm-mate donned his first wig. And the weight eventually came off, it's not like Parsons had a cafeteria. We smoked cigarettes, pulled all nighters, went clubbing, and fought over the only straight guy in school.

The truth is being thin and fair skinned has a disadvantage: those women tend to wrinkle at an earlier age. This is due in no small part to struttin their stuff in bikinis for decades. Me, I was always in a black one piece under an umbrella, hiding from a potentially deeper shade of swarthy.

Case in point:

This is Cameron Diaz in 2004 when she was 32. Gorgeous as always but looking older than most 32 years olds I know, probably due to all that frolicking in the sea that she does. Of course she looks exactly the same now, at 39, because of Botox.

That brings me to another rant. Middle Eastern girls have two beauty advantages: long eyelashes and good skin. Now anyone can get eyelash extensions and Botox. But I guess we'd be nothing without nose jobs and laser hair removal. OK, moving on.

In London they call this beautiful. In New York we call this before. Let's try a lil botox, lip filler, and fake eyelashes.

Whoa she looks 10 years older. Sorry Kate, stay natural. Speaking of natural beauties...

This is Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta in 2008 when she was 29 years old.

These days you really can't get away with lying about your age and unbelievably Kim isn't. When she was 17 she had an affair with a Connecticut Police Sergeant. He was a 24 year veteran of the force and he ended up getting fired over it. Court documents state her age at the time because she was a minor so the ugly truth is spelled out for all to see. God damn she looks rough - a good example of plastic surgery making someone look older.

So if you're pale use sunscreen and if you're not be grateful!

F U CUPID

2011-11-03T05:25:00.019-04:00

I'm a procrastinator, a night owl, a single lady, and I work from home. This winning combo means I spend most evenings at my desk, making it difficult to meet anyone. And no matter how much I tip the delivery man he refuses to make a move. Yesterday I "made it rain" on the San Loco guy. He silently handed me my tacos and started picking up the dollar bills. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I closed the door.

So last night I decided to try my hand at on-line dating. Instead of telling friends I couldn't hang out with them I'd try saying that to men I didn't know. The messages quickly started flooding in despite the fact that I only posted one photo:

The only problem was that every guy that messaged me had a real sparse comb over. I'm not picky, ask anyone besides my exs, but this type of hair-do is a deal breaker for me. So I went back and revised "what I was looking for" to add that I didn't want anyone that was balding.

That prompted the following response:

Had I known it'd be this easy to find my soulmate I would have logged on years ago.

FASHIONISTAS AS THE BIGGEST LOSERS

2011-10-31T23:56:00.009-04:00

There are two prerequisites to being a street fashion celebrity besides having great style. One is having shit tons of money. No one is photographing you in the same crappy Forever 21 dress and Steve Madden platforms you wore last week. The other is being extremely thin. The kookier the outfit the less you need to weigh to pull it off. If you're ever dying of starvation your last request should be: "BURY ME IN PRADA SPRING '11". That's the collection with cartoon bananas and monkeys all over it. I say cartoon because that's what makes it ridiculous. Photo printed bananas and monkeys would have been tasteful and awesome.

Exhibit A is Susie Bubble. She's known for wild print mixes and for never blogging about me. Here's some highlights:

Let's see how one of these outfits holds up on a larger woman, a contestant from "The Biggest Loser".

Oh man, the look went from unfuckable to unfuckabler. I hope she changes out of those sneaks when she gets to the office. FAIL.

Next up is international blogging sensation and Peta enemy No.1 Bryanboy. His insane outfits make Susie Bubble look like Hillary Clinton.

Here's the first look modeled by another "Biggest Loser" contestant:

This is actually quite slimming. The original photo is below. Who needs diet and exercise when a giant beaver fur hat/scarf can visually take off this many inches? A+!

Lastly we have the Queen Bee of street style, Anna Dello Russo, editor of Vogue Japan. No one pulls off a fruit hat quite as well as she does, although to be fair there's not a ton of competition in that arena.

Let's see if this fur coat is as slimming as the fur hat.

Yikes, I'm afraid not. Perhaps a watermelon hat would help to bring the eye up. She may not look thin but she does look quite fashionable. C-.

JUST THE TIPS

2011-10-09T17:09:00.006-04:00

I was thinking since there's no end in sight to my single status might as well do something men will hate. Should I put on a few pounds? How about cut bangs? Heavy lipstick? Armpit hair? Maxi dresses every day? Maxi pads every day? Well I've decided on the below. What do you guys think? And by guys I mean girls. Lauren Conrad says the first photo is of her but I can't find any photos that actually show her face with the hair making that claim the most boring prank of all time. Man she got us good! Rainbow hair?!!! Hahahaha of course not! Oh that Lauren! Just when you think she's boring she goes and pulls a stunt like this!

RUNWAY OF THE DAY: CHRISTOPHER KANE

2011-09-23T21:10:00.001-04:00

Style.com came all over itself while reviewing Christopher Kane's Spring 2012 collection. "The models on Christopher Kane's catwalk today were such a devastatingly lovely confluence of clothes, hair, makeup, and genetic benediction that you could only crave illumination as to how it all had come together." This is gonna be good I says to myself! Usually when it comes to CK the second I am like your annoying friend that only likes a band's "early stuff". I thought his first collection, Spring 2007, was mind blowing. Unbelievably creative and unapologetically tacky. Neon, short, tight, frilly, seatbelty.

Every season Kane does something completely different - the only real thread that holds his work together, and I say this out of respect, is tackiness. Take the Spring 2009 "Planet of the Apes" collection.

Rihanna wore a basic version of the last dress that didn't appear on the runway. Guess she wasn't into the "my clothes have chicken pox" look. After she wore it Kane developed a reputation for doing photo animal prints. The reality is he never really does them. There is another designer that does awesome ones every single season. ME. I'm the fuckin photo animal designer. LEILA SHAMS.

So I love CK II, I really do, but lately he's committed a couple of unforgivable sins. First, he kinda knocked off Jonathan Saunders' signature look in his Resort 2012 collection (Kane is on the left, Saunders is on the right)

Then he used flip flops in his last runway show. Or as Style.com called them, pool sandals. From the review:

"Yes, pool sandals, the flat footwear called into play when Kane decided to make everything shorter. They helped ensure that the attitude of the clothes was energized and, in some skewed way, real. They also underscored the fact that Kane is an utterly original talent, a maverick mind who finds beauty where others don't even begin to look."

There are a lot of things this type of footwear brings to mind: unsanitary public showers, slovenly college students, men I don't want to have sex with. "Maverick mind" not so much.

RUNWAY OF THE DAY: BEBE

2011-09-14T00:05:00.006-04:00

I interrupt me never posting anything to bring you my first Spring 2012 RUNWAY OF THE DAY.

I just went on style.com to check out the recent shows and was shocked to see my former employer, bebe, as one of the designers listed. STYLEDOTMOTHERFUCKINGCOM! How did this happen? Well it says bebe brought in Charles Benton, a former Emanuel Ungaro designer, to consult. A little on-line stalking reveals that Charlie was at Ungaro in 1999. Why doesn't anyone reference my work from 1999? I was designing Furby branded childrenswear. Do you have any idea how big Furby was in '99? According to Wikipedia, "A Furby (plural Furbys or Furbies) was a popular electronic robotic toy resembling a hamster/owl-like creature which went through a period of being a "must-have" toy following its launch in the holiday season of 1998 ... Furbies sold 1.8 million units in 1998, 14 million units in 1999". 14 MILL! In your face, Ungaro.

In the review on STYLE.COM (!) it says that Benton was given "free rein" at bebe which I totally believe. When I was there I got to do pretty much whatever I wanted, it was an absolute dream job. Manny, the CEO, supports creativity and new ideas to an astounding degree, I've never seen anything like it, especially in a public company.

But sometimes the actual customer gets forgotten in these experiments. The bebe girl is as sexy as it gets. Below I've taken two of them from the bebe Facebook page and put them in looks from the runway show.

EVEN MORE AMAZING CELEB MAKEOVERS

2011-06-29T20:15:00.002-04:00

HOLLY MADISON

First we have Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriend and former star of The Girls Next Door. She filled in her brows and refined her nose - the ol Meghan Fox trick. And she majorly upgraded her lingerie. A man goes to a strip club to escape those kind of panties. And the bra has way too few rhinestones. But most bras do.

What would her gothic teenage self think of this transformation?

GRETCHEN ROSSI

While most of the Real Housewives are coupled up with homosexuals Gretchen found a gay man who's also a deadbeat dad. I'm not 100 percent sure what went into this amazing makeover but just putting down that handbag could take a woman from a 4 to a 5.

Image on left from thedirty.com (you do not wanna fuck with those people)

BRISTOL PALIN

Ok this isn't as much good as it is insane. Bristol Palin started out as a cute unwed teenage mom. Later she became an advocate for abstinence. The second photo shows that she'd also become a poster child for not getting laid. Now she looks like the illegitimate daughter of Sarah Palin and Jay Leno.

If you think this transformation is a result of weight loss guess again. Homegirl hasn't shed a pound

both photos from genpop.com

MOST BEAUTIFUL CELEBRITY MAKEOVERS

2011-06-28T14:22:00.004-04:00

Why am I all about plastic surgery this week?

THE OLSENS

I think the Olsens are stunning. People harp on how small they are but they're taller than me so you ain't gonna hear that from this guy. One night I thought I had recreated their look perfectly. My hair was all messy and I was wearing the tiniest, rattiest cut-offs with my highest heels and piles of jewelry. I walked into a restaurant and the bartender goes, "oh my lord you are the spitting image of Tina Turner!"

Anway the Olsens have really pretty, feminine nose jobs. I do feel like Ashley's is slightly more natural than MK's (who is on the right). Ashley's is a little longer and bigger, but if I know MK like I think I know MK she asked for hers to be more extreme.

Is it possible to have your eyes enlarged? Maybe they put like a dart in your eyelid? Any Asians have some insight here? They also look so much prettier with fuller brows. I went the opposite direction - when I was a teenager I had brows like George Whipple and when I went to college I removed them completely, drawing them on with the same brown liner I outlined my lips with. The 90s were a tough look.

BLAKE LIVELY

Blake's eyes and lips are on the small side so her nose was really overwhelming those pretty features. And her hair was crying out for extensions. It also appears that she had a skin transplant. I mean the second photo wasn't retouched. It's amazing - it's like someone photoshopped her actual skin.

MEGAN FOX

I have no idea what happened here. I mean yeah, you straighten your hair, fill in your brows, get a tan - normally this stuff will take you from a 6 to a 6.5. 7 tops. So how the fuck did we get to a 10?!! There was a little tweek to the tip of her nose but it was certainly no honker. And maybe a little filler in the upper lip but nothing crazy. Stunning!

Tomorrow I bring you the best B-list celebrity make-overs!

.

WHY SUFFER? THE QUESTIONABLE REASONING OF A PLEASURE ENTHUSIAST

2011-06-27T16:13:00.015-04:00

Some women are more comfortable taking St.John's Wort instead of anti-depressants, doing the Master cleanse instead of taking diet pills, going to an acupuncturist instead of a doctor. Alternative medicine is defined as "that which has not been proven effective." If an alternative medicine is proven to work it's called medicine.

Personally I'm not big on suffering or things that don't work. And I believe you should spend as little time as possible doing things you don't like. So without further ado - the Leila Shams guide to LIVIN'!

(warning: following this guide may result in financial hardship, weight gain, increased focus on matters of no consequence, infertility, decrease in general health, alcohol dependancy and, in rare cases, death)

ONE

J.Lo or Pabst? The choice is yours

"Must be nice." People are so annoying when it comes to housekeepers, like they're only for rich people. Especially in my Brooklyn neighborhood where everyone acts like having money is the least cool thing that can happen to a person. A housekeeper in NY is about $80 a visit, if you get them every other week it's the same amount of money Williamsburg people spend on Pabst in a Sunday afternoon. Make sure she will also do laundry, even if the laundromat is a few blocks away. This will give you so much more time to do things you enjoy and it cuts down on fights between couples or roommates. And don't give me that craziness about not wanting other people dealing with your dirty clothes - you think you're doin something special down there?

TWO

Blood brings out the worst in a lady

So you like getting super depressed once a month? How bout having horrible cramps, looking like you're 6 months pregnant, eating too much and hemorrhaging from your vagina? Certainly not my cup-a-tee. But unless you're trying to get pregnant you are choosing to get your period. There is no medical need for it, in fact there is evidence that not menstruating improves certain aspects of your health, most obviously the alleviation of PMS. All you have to do is take the pill straight through, when you hit the inactive ones start a new pack. It has to be a brand that has the same dosage of medicine in each pill (ask your doctor). Lots of women think they can't tolerate the pill - I would recommend trying a few different new kinds before giving up - they're more tolerable than they used to be.

THREE

Just when you thought Carrot Top couldn't get any sexier he goes and pulls a stunt like this

If you have curly hair that you spend lots of time and/or money blowing straight then get the Brazilian hair straightening. If you're worried about the chemicals then don't use it on your pubes.

FOUR

I suggest removing your wart-like mole before you embark on a 40 year career in film and television

OK plastic surgery is a big expense and not everyone can afford it. But I did not say this was a guide to budget LIVIN'. I really feel if you have something that makes you crazy, something you think about constantly that has always bothered you, and it's fixable with plastic surgery then it's so worth it. Now if you have a big nose and you honestly love it then keep it! I am absolutely not talking about looking perfect or worse, like an Orange County housewife. I just mean if that dead tooth, bump on your nose, or double chin have always made you insecure then fix them. And if you're thin but have an area that always looks fat to you no matter what you do then lipo it. Laser lipo is much cheaper and less traumatic than traditional lipo and heals much faster. Life is too short to dwell on such stupid shit so if you can't stop obsessing then stop wasting time and money on disappointing short term solutions.

And do not discuss your physical insecurities with anyone but your shrink/plastic surgeon/mom. It focuses attention on the area, it's boring, and it forces the listener to assure you that it's not true. If I had a nickel for every time I had to tell a friend she wasn't fat or I had to be assured of the same by a friend or boyfriend I could buy us all lipo by now. Let's talk about something more interesting, like "The Bachelorette". (Oh no she isn't still trying to get with Bentley! Stupid bitch!!!)

FIVE

Kate Moss is lovin it

No one likes my diet tips but I'm gonna give 'em anyway. Working out is good for you. But eating to reward yourself is not. Alcohol doesn't make you gain weight in itself. Beer or pina coladas are fattening but not wine or liquor if it's straight or with a calorie free mixer. However, alcohol is a problem when mixed with food. It lowers your ability to control your eating and your body metabolizes the alcohol first. So after a good workout treat yourself to a martini instead of a frozen yogurt. Also, weigh yourself every day in the morning. Don't trust your clothes to tell you if you can have a big lunch or not. Pretty sure a scale is more accurate than a pair of blue jeans. You can eat whatever you want as long as you're burning as many or more calories than you're ingesting. You want McDonald's fries? Go ahead. A medium is 380 calories. So if you burn 1500 calories a day you've got 1120 more. How 'bout a doughnut? A Boston Creme is 210 calories. Will these things fill you up? No, but neither will that salad or fruit shake. Don't waste your calories. It should either be something satisfying or something you really want.

SIX

Actual results on a woman covered in Vaseline

Rapid lash works, trust me. It takes about a month and you can get it at Duane Reade or drugstore.com. If you're scared about possible side effects how did you get all the way through this post?

.

MOMMA $HAM$ JEWELRY

2011-06-22T02:32:00.019-04:00

My mom always liked to make an entrance. I remember women screaming in terror as she walked in sporting a family of lifelike tarantula broaches on her shoulder. Her love of insect jewelry is trumped only by her love of leopard.

Here's a portion of mom's leopard bag collection discovered on a recent storage scavenger hunt. The pièce de résistance is a leopard print bag in the shape of a leopard.

Also of note: the tiger stuffed animal is wearing a tiny leopard backpack

Abstract just isn't in her nature. The soap holders in my mom's house are porcelain hands sticking off the wall. Every lamp is held up by a lady or gent. She has an extremely disturbing coffee table whose glass top is supported by a life sized sculpture of a child on his back. My mom once took a jewelry class and the instructor, frustrated with all her life like creations, demanded she make something nonrepresentational. So she designed a roundish pendant filled with little beads. It was obviously a pomegranate.

When we were little she would let my brother and I wander the mall freely as she scoured the shops for something unusual. Once she found us at the large central fountain, we were maybe 5 and 6 years old. My brother was wading through the water collecting coins and I was standing at the edge holding a big bag of change, waiting for the next deposit. The security guards were unamused. My mom, on the other hand, still laughs about it.

My mom and brother

Her shopaholic nature caused a lot of friction with my dad but I realize now it was her creative outlet. I am just like my mom and the thought of being a housewife makes me suicidal. Shopping got her out of the house, let her be creative, and infuriated the enemy.

She was also amazing at school art projects, staying up with me to create such blockbuster pieces as 6th grade's wildly elaborate mini horse-drawn carriage, 8th grade's cool at the time punk rock Halloween pumpkin and 10th grade's controversial life sized "Self Portrait on Cross". When I was at DKNY Jeans she made several styles that went on to be best sellers and once I started my own line she would stay with me for weeks fixing my majorly fucked up samples from India. I would have never completed a collection without her.

Self Portrait on Cross still on display at chez Shams

When I was younger I thought I lost the genetic lottery. I inherited my dad's flightiness, my mom's rebelliousness, and I somehow managed to be shorter than both of them. While most first generation Persian kids become doctors and lawyers my brother and I were late blooming weirdos. But now I'm thankful that I got my dad's sense of humor and my mom's creativity, as well as her magical ability to wear huge heels everyday (despite also inheriting my dad's comically flat feet).

My mom continued making jewelry after the pomegranate episode. She and her bff Sandy have collected hundreds (millions?) of vintage pieces which they combine to make one of a kind necklaces. I'm gonna start selling some on my site - here's a shneak peak

Turquoise Buddha necklace

Black metal mesh necklace with copper snake head

Lizard choker

KIT-TEE GIVEAWAY! (NOW CLOSED)

2011-06-18T22:05:00.008-04:00

6/21 UPDATE: THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE THAT ENTERED! YOU'RE ONE WEIRD BUNCH XOXOXOXOXOXO!!!! CONGRATS TO SARAH MELVILLE!!!!

My Fall 2010 collection was about bad luck. I used number 13s, broken mirrors, and black cats. The cats were particularly polarizing - you know how people either love them or hate them. A couple buyers were in the "hate" category so my sales showroom told me to take them out of the collection which I did.

At the time I posted these hilarious updates. Still makes me laugh.

A few months later Elle ran this lil guy in the magazine and on-line:

The response was overwhelming. Hundreds of fashionable cat ladies were e-mailing and calling me, my showroom, my stores. They wanted, they needed! One woman was convinced that it was her dearly departed pet but her kitty had never done any modeling (I got the photo from a stock photography site). Even a year later, when I finally produced the kit-tee and e-mailed her fans, they were still enthusiastic and I sold almost all of them.

Sadly I only have XS and S left but I'm giving one away! Just comment on this post, make sure you include your email address. I'll say here and on Facebook when the contest is closed xoxoxoxo

FUCK YOU PIGEONS THIS OUTFIT POST RULES

2011-06-11T18:34:00.006-04:00

So I've done inspiration pics, snarky commentary, garment details, favorite products, basically every type of fashion blog entry except outfit posts so thought I'd give it a go. This is an embarrassing process to do alone, I kept looking out the window at the building across from me to make sure no one was watching. And it has been abandoned the entire time I've lived here. I mean it's completely boarded up. But I saw pigeons and they were most definitely judging me. "Looks like an episode of America's Next Swarthy Midget Model is being filmed next door" they squawked, rolling their beady little eyes.

I really only wear my own stuff, not just because it's all I own at this point, although that certainly is a contributing factor, but because they're really comfortable. Here's some of the styles I'll be selling at my sample sale 6/12 and 6/13 - see the Facebook page for details. They're also available in the on-line shop.

The horse maxi is really versatile - it's long so when I wear it as a skirt I fold the waistband. You can also wear it as a strapless dress. Here it's with a neon cropped American Apparel tank.

My friend Maria just bought one to wear with a white men's shirt (apologies for blurry pic!)

If you're not vertically challenged this dress is a top. For me it's practically a maxi. This also comes in the print above.

The mullet kimono comes in the horse, owl, and peacock print. You can wear it a lot of ways as seen below. We've also been taking it in for girls who don't like it so oversized.

The green is a pieces of scrap chiffon.

This style features an upside down two headed vulture. I know, the last thing you need is another mullet Siamese vulture dress/top but the back is really pretty and it's super soft. Shorts or jeans is recommended for anyone taller than Snookie (luckers).

I wear this beaded skirt in white (below) or the brown version all the time, usually with these purple booties. Upon reviewing this photo I see that that is a mistake. When it's cooler I wear it with the beaten moto in Soap or Military.

FASHION DILEMMA: CAMEL RIDING

2011-06-03T17:53:00.008-04:00

Last night the Real Housewives of New York went camel riding in Morocco. This created a major dilemma for most of them - should they wear clothes that say"riding" or clothes that say "Morocco"?

Alex came up with an interesting solution:

Cropped pants, knee high heeled boots, military green shirt, v-neck sweater that's orange on the front and green on the back, and, most inexplicably, a man's necktie. LuAnn said the outfit was better suited to lion taming but I knew there was more to it. Alex planned this outfit far in advance, she is the most uptight of all the housewives (in the world). I believe her reference was Colonial Safari a la Out of Africa. I'm sure she watched the movie several times in preparation for her breakout role as a Brooklyn graphic designer visiting Morocco for the first time.

The theory is interesting but the execution stinks of her openly gay husband, Simon Van Kempen. Recognize this color combo?

Jill Zarin also suffered from pure execution. Her look was Moroccan but her focus was comfort. Women always ask me how I can wear such high heels every day or go bare legged in cold weather. "I could never, I need to be comfortable," they say. Everyone likes to be comfortable! You don't see a lot of people slipping into a corset when they get home or sleeping on rock pillows. I'd be fuckin thrilled to wear a belted Snuggie and UGGs all day but I am sparing you a sight like this:

Pretty sure she got this get up at the Moroccan hospital supply bazaar. Can you even pick her out of this photo?

It's not just the embroidered scrubs, it's the white sneaks, the banana clip, the sunglasses, the dangly earrings, the scarf. The (openly gay?) camel behind her actually chewed off one of her bracelets in an attempt to get the accessorizing under control.

Kelly predictably goes for a relaxed, horsey look:

Her perfect hair is looking less wavy than usual, possibly scared straight from its proximity to Jill's chip clip up-do. Her winning smile, pristine chinos, and bright white cable knit sweater say "I might be riding a camel, but I'm no camel jockey".

Ramona went with a safari suit but ended up looking like Urkel on a mechanical bull.

Best dressed goes to newcomer Cindy. She wore a red and white maxi cardigan with shorts, a t-shirt, beat up ankle boots and a few pieces of silver jewelry. It was cool but still comfortable, kind of like a temporary tattoo on your vagina (a technique Cindy invented).

FOR THE LOVE OF KEITH POLLOCK

2011-05-28T00:47:00.013-04:00

Keith Pollock is the editorial director of Elle.com and was Joe Zee's sounding board on All on the Line. He's super funny and refreshingly frank. When thecoveteur.com, a site that covers the homes of the creative elite, did a feature on him they included this pic:

About it he said "I brought my favorite Prada suit on a recent business trip to Hong Kong, and found a tailor to copy it in three different fabrics (he even added embroidered name tags). Don’t hate me Miuccia."

Saying and showing you had knock offs made on the Coveteur is like going on Facebook, uploading a pic of an empty bottle of KY and titling it "i need a hobby". Shockingly honest.

Here's another charming Keith Pollock quote, from a piece about Elle staffers' summer plans. "I've been building furniture... I just moved into a new apartment and as much as I'd love for my place to resemble the BDDW showroom, I'm working with a budget. It’s nice to be able to customize and build to your spaces specifications, but it's really about the budget. I'm excited to see a table full of guests sit down at my lopsided table."

The other people's responses? Museum hopping, feeding the hungry, editing a book of Kodachrome slides from the 40s and 50s. Leave it to Keith to mention being on a budget, twice. I think you're getting the idea.

So I'm watching the All on the Line finale and I realize that my love is not one sided. What was that Keith, you really like my prints? How much tweeking does my line need? Just a little you say? Yes, YES! Breathlessly I hit Twitter.

ONE of his favorites?!! Perhaps this gift could put me at the top. A photo print takes weeks to make but I could do a painting! Let's get too work, it's Wednesday night and we want him to be sporting a Leila kaftan (laftan?) this weekend.

I pinned some pale sea-foam silk chiffon to a giant board and started painting with watered down acrylic. I decided, naturally, to use an aquatic color scheme.

She started shedding diagonal tears almost immediately. Get ahold of yourself! He's just a man!

Way too wet (that's what she said).

Amiko, my assistant who can do everything I can't do in addition to everything I can, came over the next morning. I peeled the fabric off the board and she got to work a cuttin and a sewin.

Amiko taking the finished product for a spin.

Me standing next to the board that was underneath.

Where have I seen this style before?

Back view with paint magically outlining my buttocks.

We wrapped her up and overnighted to the Elle offices. I know Keith received it because he posted this Twitpic from his vacation today. Mission accomplished!

BEDS THAT WATCH YOU SLEEP

2011-05-21T01:38:00.008-04:00

My friend Jenn always says I should put my prints on home stuff so I decided to try a few mock-ups.

I call this guy the "Head Bed" because he features 10 animal heads and because he's first. I gotta say when I draped the sheer croc print over the black sequin pillow and a lil sparkle peaked through, I says to myself, "that Jenn is a mother fucking genius".

Don't like to sleep alone? Well then this set is for you. Hug, chat, or practice making out with your new topless friend. Don't worry, her companions aren't children, they're flying dwarfs.

If I had a nickel for every time a drag queen on LSD told me her bedding didn't reflect the real her. I might not have seemed like I was listening, but I was.

Bedroom eyes are pink and light sensitive for this crew. Albino crocodiles doing what they do best: lulling you to sleep. Is it my imagination or is the bottom one looking right at me? I'm coming to bed, relax. They really care, that's what's so great about them.

MAASAI BEADING

2011-05-14T20:38:00.005-04:00

My starting point for Spring was Maasai jewelry. Although it's often very colorful I was drawn to the pieces that are mostly white. White symbolizes peace and purity for the Maasai, who live in East Africa.

I bought these 2 traditional Maasai chokers from e-bay. They were both worn by a single woman for over a decade.

Ugh they're just so gorgeous aren't they? How matte they are, the hits of primary color, and I love the use of black on the first one. Here's my Maasai inspired pieces:

THE GOLDEN RULE

2011-05-13T21:44:00.007-04:00

So my episode of All on the Line aired. Luckily it wasn't half as bad as I thought it'd be. I was really happy to finally see it and close the book on a stressful chapter of my life.

Then this happened http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/2011/05/all-on-the-line-season-1-episode-7-leila-shams.html

Noooooo! So embarrassing! I know this is naive but I assume people take reality shows with a grain of salt. When Bethenny Frankel talks about having a horrible childhood I google her parents (she didn't). My mom of course does not make my clothes, I've sold thousands of units. They're made in a factory in India (except the leather which is made in NY). She just helps me alter the sales samples when they come in. How do people think my mom made the beaded skirt or the embroidered dress? I've been in the industry for 13 years, Harvey Nichols, Curve, Elyse Walker, and Forward by Revolve have bought my line, Ke$ha, Keri Hilson, Fergie, and Kim Kardashian wear my clothes. And I bought my own fucking apartment. You can call me tacky all day long but don't call me dumb.

Anyway I'm so glad I read that post because it made me realize how upsetting it is to have people you don't know say mean things about you. I don't want to be one of those people. When I responded to the comments on the site in a positive way everyone was positive back. Negativity breeds negativity and vice versa. The bitchiest girl I know is also the least happy and least successful. So no more nasty posts! Honestly it's kind of a cop out - it's very easy to be entertaining when you're being a cunt. (comment removed).

Baby steps!

ALL ON THE LINE

2011-05-10T01:37:00.007-04:00

A couple of people have told me that while my last post was funny it buries my chance of having a respectable design career. You can't make fun of celebs and expect them to wear your clothes. You can't joke about Anna Wintour and expect to be in Vogue. As my friend Kristin said, "do you want to be a personality or do you want to be a designer?" This is something I've struggled with for a while. Tonight my episode of All on the Line with Joe Zee will be on Sundance and it's not particularly flattering. You'd never see Alexander Wang admitting his production was fucked up or Marc Jacobs' mom making one of his dresses. They are serious designers with pedigree and respect.

Sneak-Peak-All-On-The-Line

Me, I'm not that serious. I enjoy making fun of people as much as I enjoy designing clothes. I failed out of Parsons. Thrice. I honestly love designing and I could not be more grateful for the career I've had. But I just can't imagine doing the right thing for the rest of my life: never being self deprecating, never making fun of anyone, never doing reality TV, never tweeting about my boyfriend's balls. But I also don't want to be so insistent that I'm different that I sabotage my career.

So help me friends, what to do? Do I delete the post below? Do I clean up my act so I can have a serious career? Or do I just be me and hope it works out? I've signed up for another reality show - is that crazy?

MET BALL SPECTACULAR

2011-05-03T05:51:00.008-04:00

It just doesn't stop lately. First, Kate Middleton wears David's Bridal and calls it McQueen (fucking commoners). Then Celebrity Apprentice gets interrupted before I can find out if that sexy little minx Hope finally gets doused with hot sauce and devoured by Nene Leakes and Star Jones. (I already knew Osama was dead by way of Lil Jon's Twitter, duh). And now this:

I mean now I have seen it all. Anna Fucking Wintor wearing ombre sequins stripes and a SMILE?!!! I wanted to say the dress was ugly but first I checked who designed it on the miniscule chance that McQueen, in his suicidal haze, designed this piece of shit, in which case I would let it go. But no, it is of course Chanel. Anytime you see someone with good taste wearing something ugly it is Chanel. 100% of the time. I mean were there no sequins gloves to accompany this look? If she was showing any less skin she'd be this guy:

Andre Leon Talley is wearing a robe to celebrate his graduation from slightly off to full blown insane. Ladies, if you think there aren't enough fashionable options for plus-size women take a moment to thank god you are not a plus size man. Andre has every designer in the world at his beck and call and the best he can get is a taffeta Snuggie with a train.

Speaking of plus-size:

Bias cut silk charmeuse can make the thinnest woman look fat. So if you're pregnant well it's not gonna be cute. I can get past the belly but check out that long flat ass. I've got just the thing for this mess:

And look what popped out of Andre's Snuggie half way down the red carpet:

Zac Posen and Christina Ricci! Dear Lord her shit ain't right! The tiny waist! The giant eyes! The webby dress!

At last, some real McQueen on some real fashionistas:

"Hey guys, since Daphne is gonna be completely covered in feathers and Hamish is gonna be completely covered in tartan I was thinking it'd be cool if I carried a plaid notebook, you know, kinda blend in. Guys? Guess you don't really care, just a yay or nay please. Guys?"

And finally, how does this girl get away with looking so slutty?

Dressing like a whore while being hailed a fashion icon is a stunt many have attempted but few have achieved, believe me I know. I salute you, Blake Lively.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

2011-04-27T04:08:00.014-04:00

How does one blog when one is down in the dumps? It seems to me that my blog entries are too personal and long winded - making it impossible for me to blog when I'm depressed or busy, which is 99% of the time lately (98% depressed 1% busy). So here's a quick, light hearted review of things that make me happy.

1. If you are still getting regular manicures you are an idiot. Gel manicures last so long they grow out before they chip. Here's a pic of my current grown out mani. You can also read my palm if you'd like. Pretty sure my life line ends 3 years ago. Happy thoughts happy thoughts

2. This painting makes me happy. Does anyone know who did it? Kinda looks like her life line ended a while back as well. She looks good dead though. Hope I look that good when I'm ugh happy thoughts happy thoughts

3. Dogs in outfits that make them look like they're standing on 2 legs are the funniest thing ever. This one is a very old photo of my friend Eriko's dog. It occurs to me that this dog has probably passed on.

RISKY BUSINESS

2011-04-11T08:07:00.005-04:00

Has anyone been watching Celebrity Apprentice? If not I strongly recommend it - the men's team is a really interesting mix of dynamic, talented guys.

The opposing team is, by contrast, a really dull mix of smart, competent women. What gives the men the winning advantage is their ability to take risks. The women always play it safe and do exactly as they're told. Below is a commercial the men did for a video phone, directed by Lil Jon.

I couldn't find a clip of the women's commercial 'cause no one bothered to post it. It's the nauseatingly cliche tale of a young girl studying in Paris (inexplicably accompanied by her "host mother" Dionne Warwick) signing over the video phone with her deaf mother in America.

Taking risks just isn't in our blood; women have to bear and raise children. We need to be stable, nurturing, and we need to put others first. While men are out hunting, or the modern day equivalent (trying to be some sort of artist) we feel we need to hold down the fort.

This puts us at a real disadvantage in business. I meet so many women who had their own fashion line but decided to give it up in exchange for the stability of corporate job. You know how many men I know who have done the same thing? Zero. I was talking to my dad one day, crying about how my business had failed, how I'd lost everything, how I never thought it would be this hard, how I was giving up. And he was like, "What? Of course you failed, and you're going to keep failing until you succeed." It never occurred to me that failure might be acceptable or common place. I think women beat themselves up while men dust themselves off and try again.

So imma keep trying: I realize that profitability is a long way away but that doesn't mean failure - it just means I need to make money other ways while I develop the line. Luckily I give great head.

I leave you with another scene from Celebrity Apprentice, to remind us ladies that we may not be risk takers but we are still far superior to men. This is an enraged Meatloaf accusing Gary Busey of stealing his art supplies (turns out they were under a chair).

THE EVOLUTION OF STYLE

2011-04-04T23:32:00.025-04:00

I was talking to my friend Tim at a party this weekend and the conversation turned, as they often do, to octopuses (he said the correct pluralization is octopodes but I can find nothing to support this claim). He had been scuba diving on a recent trip and took this amazing footage of an octopus camouflaging itself. The black and white stripes make it look like clown fish while swimming.

Here's another example - so magical and inspiring.

I use photos of nature as a starting point every season - there is no way I could come up with something as amazing as our plants and animals. So why are humans so bland? Caucasian skin is a dull tone seen nowhere else in nature. Black skin is a little more exciting but still decidedly neutral. Look at this Crayola snoozefest.

Is it possible we evolved to need fashion? It's like we're a blank canvas that has to be decorated. If you put a leopard in a pair of Proenza Schouler ikat printed pants the poor animal would look hideous. But nothing clashes with human skin. And clothing allowed us to lose our body hair and still survive in cold climates.

There's a Men's Warehouse commercial that says "60 percent of women would rather be with a well dressed man than a rich man". I'm sure this finding came out of an exhaustive double blind study conducted by the vast team of researchers at Men's Warehouse. But we all know that fashion is a big part of attraction.

If good style gives men a sexual advantage the same way elaborate feathers do for a male peacock it could explain the existence of male homosexuality - something that puzzles scientists by seemingly going against theories of natural selection. Fashion sense is a feminine trait that makes men attractive to both sexes, therefore allowing them to reproduce with women even if they prefer men. This would also be a evolutionary explanation for fag hags.

So fashion can make the hairless warm, the poor dateable, the ugly fuckable and the gays survivable. Doesn't it deserve more respect?

Note these other humans whose ability to reproduce is significantly aided by their fashion sense, leading with Scott Disick - unemployed douchebag with serious anger management issues, baby daddy to Kourtney Kardashian, and the love of my life. I mean fuchsia blazer with matching pocket square? Yes, please!

A TALE OF TWO BIJANS (BIJAN PAKZAD, BIJAN SHAMS)

2011-04-01T20:40:00.023-04:00

Apparently I am not the only completely ridiculous Persian fashion designer in the world. Meet Bijan, the self proclaimed king of Beverly Hills.

Those of you old enough to remember the 80s might remember Bijan. Then it was all about Beverly Hills - there were Camp Beverly Hills t-shirts, Giorgio Beverly Hills perfume, Beverly Hills Cop movies, and of course Beverly Hills 90210. Displaying your wealth was de rigueur and that's something Bijan wrote the book on. He had a big perfume and was famous for designing a gun made of pure gold.

Well times have changed but Bijan has not. My brother's name is also Bijan, so a friend of his came across this video (presumably while on-line stalking my brother). Bijan (the brother) edited it down to a palatable length.

The amazing thing about this video is that Bijan thinks he is being charming. It's like the only thing Americans loathe more than rich people is Middle Eastern people. Wake up and smell the hate, Bij!

But the more I think about it the more I realize that to be successful you have to be delusional. Nothing will hold you back more than considering what other people will think, second guessing your ideas, or being self conscious. People will talk shit no matter what you do so why not say fuck it and get rich?

When I was working at Express the incredibly successful CEO, asking about what to deliver in December (a season ridiculously called "Resort" because a tiny percentage of people go on vacation at this time) poised this question to the room: "What is our girl buying to wear on her Holiday in St.Tropez?" So that's what she does with all the money she saves buying $39.99 dress slacks!

Some gems from Bijan the designer:

On his love life: "My lady companion is 30 years old. She's pretty and she's on her way to becoming an attorney and I love that."

On his price points: "I happen to be the most expensive clothing designer in the world and (mock sympathy) I am sorry for that."

On his house keeper: "That is Olivia and I love (corrects himself) like her very much."

In contrast, some gems from Bijan the brother:

On people: "I hate everybody."

On current affairs: "The world is ending."

On his sister: "The best thing about you is that you don't think."

With that attitude I can tell you that Bijan the brother will never get what Bijan the designer ends his video with: George W. Bush saying, "You da man."

THE HISTORY OF THE BEATEN MOTO: PART II

2011-03-31T03:54:00.091-04:00

Sheri hit Rene's shop first. Rene's advantages: he had done the style before and it had come out well. He also had 3 tailors vs Omar's one man show. But the disadvantage was that Rene did not speak English and this had led to some unexpected results in the past. He always says, "check it out" instead of "look" when he's showing you something which I now know is a trick to make you think he's familiar with the language by using slang. Check it out R.E.N.E, we're off to Omar's.

Omar is the Karl Lagerfeld of the Lower East Side. If you go into any shop carrying something that's not a suit (i.e. trash bag of neon pink mongolian fur) all the guys say "take it to Omar". He once made me 7 dresses in one day and lemme tell ya I don't arrive til noon. And he don't work past 6. Some had patterns, some didn't. Whatevs he says. But he too has his disadvantages - disappearing being the main one. "What do you mean he's working at the phone company now?!!!" I was once forced to exclaim. "IT'S FASHION WEEK!!!!" Thank God he resurfaced a days later at Nelson.

Omar was quoting some outrageously high prices for the (32 piece) jackets. We were barely hitting mark-up at this point adding up raw materials alone. Sheri might have been new to the job but she is a life long hustler so back to Rene's she headed to get a better deal. Omar insisted he send someone to help her carry all the leather.

Mr. Carry All, it turns out, was a spy. Once he heard that Rene wanted to charge even more than Omar he reported back and we suddenly became the victim of LES price fixing.

We ended up splitting the jackets evenly amongst the two. Before we left Omar that night he threw a zip lock bag of lipsticks on top of the giant pile of leather. We examined it suspiciously. Apparently Omar was also an Avon lady. We encouraged him to further develop his sales pitch as Sheri sold him her old pay-as-you-go phone (she switched to Boost Mobile.) It was time to head home.

A week or so later the jackets were looking great and it was time to face the real challenge - getting the hardware put on. Why would getting a few snaps and studs on each jacket be so difficult? Well it's not as long as you follow a few simple rules:

"By my watch it's 3:59! C'mon Nancy!"

Now they're almost done! Just a few hundred hand washes and tumble dries and voila! The most gorgeous leather jackets you've ever seen. Absolutely perfect for pumping gas in thigh highs. And now they're available in black! Buy them here http://leilashams.com/leilashamsstore.html?bpid=148 and if you've got beef with the price you know who to take it up with. Sheri.

Below: Kim Kardashian in the Beaten Moto Jacket, Swamp.

THE HISTORY OF THE BEATEN MOTO: PART I

2011-03-30T07:12:00.008-04:00

This season the factory where I get my leather pieces made was completely booked. I only needed to make a few motorcycle jackets for production so I decided to do them in NY using the tailors that usually do single pieces or alterations for me. I have made a lot of bad decisions in my day but this one is right up there with doing a reality show about my line while working full time for a company that didn't want me doing my line. If only I could fire myself the way they fired me.

I did the original version of the jacket last Spring (above). I was wearing one while filming the aforementioned reality show and everyone liked it so we decided to do a new version for Intermix, who I was showing the collection to. When the Intermix buyers saw it they almost vomited*. Apparently the only thing they were more sick of than motorcycle jackets was the color military, which of course the jacket was in.

*As a side note the song "I shot the Sheriff" by Bob Marley was so popular when my mom was pregnant with me that she got physically sick of it, once throwing up in a department store when the instrumental version came on. So yes, it's possible to be literally sick of something.

But Intermix aside the jackets are gorgeous, they are the softest leather and I hand wash them then tumble dry a million times so they're perfectly worn in. Not only was I undaunted by Intermix's disgust, I proceeded to make even more, showing 4 different ones with my Spring collection.

I ended up getting orders on the military and ivory colorways. So back to production: step 1 - endure the NY leather sales people.

Calling them sales people feels so wrong as their intention is always you leaving the store empty handed. Last I checked (yesterday) you could get a double cheeseburger from McDonald's for $1.19. So why the fuck can't I touch a cow skin without someone screaming, "Mommy!!! Wait for someone to help you!!!" I don't have kids for a reason. DON'T CALL ME MOMMY.

Then you're off to buy zippers, of which each jacket has 5. I won't bore you with every step but lemme tell you, they all suck. We couldn't find the same ones we originally used which turned out to be a relic of hardware past, no one recognized the brand, including the guy I originally bought them from.

So finally we got the leather, lining, zippers, buckles, and labels and headed downtown to get some mother fuckin jackets made. Sheri, who had just started working for me, was assigned with this task. There are only two tailors on the lower east side that are capable of this kind of craftsmanship - Omar and René (names not changed to expose the guilty).

Now when you're heavy in the while-you-wait $3 hem game and you see a fresh faced young thing hittin the streets with 2k worth of leather you take notice. They were not giving up any piece of this job without a fight.....

Tune in tomorrow to see what happens! Oh the suspense!

KNOCK OFFS

2011-03-28T21:53:00.009-04:00

Proenza Schouler has been complaining that Target knocked off their PS1 bag. The bags are similar but certainly not exact copies and the PS1 bag isn't exactly a major handbag innovation. Here are the two - the PS1 is on the left.

The designers told the NY Times, “why save up and buy ours when you can buy theirs right away?” The bag is $1995. They have an excellent point - I know there are countless fashionistas flaunting their $35 plastic Target bag in their friend's faces. "Haha I paid $1960 less than you!"

Actually that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. There is absolutely no cross over in customers. Proenza were particularly horrified that Target sells their clothes and is pulling this kind of stunt. What? They kind of knock you off and give you tons and money and press by producing your accessibly priced fashion line and selling it in thousands of stores?!! The nerve!

Personally I am against copyright laws in fashion. Everyone borrows from everyone - not just in fashion, in EVERYTHING. I agree with the current laws in place that prohibit companies from knocking off trademarks or artwork but think it should stop there. It is up to designers to have a singular point of view and continuously come up with fresh ideas to stay relevant in a fast fashion world.

If Christian Louboutin only did basic black shoes with red soles counterfeiting would have put him out of business. But he does something gorgeously unexpected each season that keeps the brand desirable. It's Proenza's originality and hyper creative runway looks that sell their PS1 bag and there's no way Target could ever take their hand painted velvet drop crotch trousers away from them.

WELCOME TO THE NEW BLOG!

2011-03-28T01:13:00.044-04:00

Isn't it so nice and bright? I love it!

This Friday we did a fashion show to benefit the Red Cross. Hair and make-up was by the Tokyo Beauty School in Japan (TAHB*). The stylists all had Japanese flags painted on their faces - I can't imagine what they're going through - but that did not dampen their amazing Tokyo style. They went BANANAS on the hair. It was lots of fun although the turn out was a little lame. Not easy to get people to midtown on a Friday night, at least people I know, but I hope I can do similar types of events in the future. Thanks so much to Brian, Amiko, and Sheri for all your help. And now some photos, compliments of Sheri.

Stylists and make-up artists doin their thing. Almost all the models had some thing in their hair - ribbons, pom poms, feathers, flowers, surprisingly sharp porcupine needles...

This model's hair got increasingly wild as the evening went on. Eventually it became a bright yellow flame type of shape which came to a point about 8" above her face. There were no mirrors so I tried to describe to her what it looked like, watching her face look increasingly concerned.

You can kind of see the yellow in this shot - she's on the left. I really like the hair on the right as well.

Ah yes here she is in full yellow flaming glory.

A typical scene at Leila Shams LLC. I prefer that people that who work for me do so on the floor while I stand above them in a fur coat. Sometimes when you're small with a really high pitched voice it's hard to keep people in their place. This does the trick. If you don't have a fur coat a pinky ring and/or fan has a similar effect.

This was another really over the top hair-do. At first I was like, "what outfit is going to go with that?" Then I realized every outfit went with it, it was magical. The crazy thing is I put her in a look and she was like, "I wore this at your presentation". I didn't even recognize her!

One word: GLAMOR. With Michael James who organized the show.

Fashion is like pizza. Even when it's bad it's good.

Begging people to come.

Backstage

The view from the DJ booth.

When I get the video I'll post it!

ROLLERCOASTER

2011-03-14T03:36:00.008-04:00

Ah I read the two entries below and I think, who is that person, head full o dreams? This season has been a roller coaster so far, but not a normal roller coaster ride where you land safe and sound, no the very rare ride where someone dies or Fabio gets hit by a goose (http://www.ultimaterollercoaster.com) The MTV thing never aired, the collection did not sell very well in the new showroom, and the first lookbook was too dark so I had to re-shoot it, a big expense and general pain in the ass.

OMG we interrupt this bitch session to report that I just got a call about an amazing freelance job that would be perfect for me! Interview tomorrow! I should also say the on-line store is finally up and sales have been great! I was considering shutting down the line for a moment there but if on-line sales continue to be strong I can stay open. So please buy!

I close this post with some behind the scenes photos of the second lookbook shoot taken by my new assistant Sheri Barclay with my new camera courtesy of my bf Brent. Anyone who follows my blog closely knows we broke up. Anyone that follows me closely knows we got back together.

Here's some behind the scenes photos from the shoot:

Talking to Kristin who did amazing PR for DKNY Jeans and has been helping me. She convinced me to re-shoot the book and I'm so glad she did. And the hair was her idea and I love it. I believe she just told me "maybe next season you shouldn't do your presentation in a dark basement where no one can take photos." My reaction - shock, confusion, extreme nose flare.

"Neon dress, giant belt, fur vest, it's all so understated. Could I fashion this purple fur into some sort of hat?" The most disturbing thing about this pic is that I am standing right next to her. This is our actual height difference.

I thought Sheri took these photos but this picture tells another tale. Sheri getting her make-up done. We're in the apartment of my neighbor and photographer extraordinaire Howard Huang. If you want to look up his work make sure you have your safe filter on.

The first item on the rack is an amazing jacket designed by my BFF Jenn Stewart. She also designed the "Perfect Coat" as it's titled in the lookbook. It looks amazing on everyone. Deshawn, the make-up artist on the shoot almost knocked the model out and took off with it.

One of my favorite looks/poses/cupboards from the shoot.

Hot fur on fur action.

Gratuitous hot model shot. I paid good money for her I'll use all the pics I got.

This outfit didn't make the cut. It's just not pink enough.

Almost photographed something without fur. Close call.

Some girls from the casting. See how the "Lucky Penny" dress fits a large variety of (size zero) girls. The second girl, Georgia from Ikon, is absolutely stunning and only 15. I think she could be the next Selena Gomez. We went with Nadya from Fenton Moon, she's forth.

HAPPY V-DAY!

2011-02-14T03:18:00.001-05:00

Whoopsie daisy been a while! Fall is done and in Simon Showroom (a fantastic sales showroom for contemporary designers), lookbook shot and edited, presentation is on Wednesday the 16th - in two days! I'm happy to see other designers this week using prints, brights, faux fur, flare bottoms and maxi skirts. You don't wanna look just like anyone else but you don't wanna look like nobody else either. Spring production is being finished now - will be available in stores in March. MTV is filming designers for fashion week including moi - it's airing the day after my presentation on 'the Seven' at 5pm. Hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day and wish me luck for Wednesday!

VERY CONVINCING

2011-01-20T03:17:00.000-05:00

Fall 2011 is slowly but surely coming together - I'm getting really excited about it! This is going to be the season that everything comes in on time and looking great, I get into an amazing sales showroom, sell a shit-ton, have a blockbuster presentation, get an investor, oh I can almost taste it! Life has sucked lately - my boyfriend and I just broke up, my brother's new house just got robbed, and I've developed a habit of hoarding half full cans of seltzer. February is going to be great though. I'm sure of it.

GOD SAVE MCQUEEN

2011-01-11T03:16:00.001-05:00

I don't get why EVERYONE says Sarah Burton has proven herself a worthy successor to Alexander McQueen. If all the Beatles had died in the 60s would everyone have been like, "well thank god the Monkees are awesome enough to take their place". It's sacrilege!

I subscribe to Google alerts so anytime my name comes up on-line I get an e-mail with the title of the article that I (or pillow shams) have appeared in. Over the past few days I've received hundreds of these: Joe Zee Warns Leila Shams Not to Confuse 'Sexy' with 'Slutty". Tons of people have re-posted this fascinating article, each time tacking on something like "I love Joe Zee!!!!!" Really friend, 5 exclamation points? It gets re-posted until another lil article takes the web by storm. I know that people are trying to drive traffic to their sites or whatever but it just starts to feel like everyone involved in our industry has the same exact opinion. I get it, we're not rocket scientists, we don't have to discuss (insert something smart here) but can we at least have an intelligent conversation about fashion? It feels like our only options are seeing the same blurbs over and over or marveling at what new ways some 20 year old blogger is styling her cut offs. How bout if every fashion enthusiast expresses some kind of interesting thought today. I'll go first.

Eh I got nothin. But here's Sarah's shitty pre-Fall line in the meantime. Are those bolo ties around their waists? Dear god Lee what have they done?

LIFE CHANGING PRODUCTS PART 2

2011-01-11T03:15:00.002-05:00

Neon wall paint, Colossal mascara, non Louboutin knock-offs, and Huggable hangers.

In the life changing website category I nominate anything that gets us closer to the dream of never having to talk to another stranger on the phone: delivery.com for ordering food and zocdoc.com for doctors appointments (disclaimer: zocdoc happens to be my boyfriend's company but since he's the only one that reads my blog I figure I'm safe in making a biased opinion. And I was using it years before we met due to aforementioned phone phobia).

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL

2011-01-08T03:14:00.001-05:00

http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2011/01/here_is_the_first_preview_clip.html

http://racked.com/tags/leila-shams

a couple of months ago i made the decision to be on a new reality show starring elle creative director joe zee. it's called all on the line - in each episode mr.zee assists a struggling designer. it was a no-brainer for me as the success of my line is my only priority in life (sad but true). they decided they wanted to focus on my family who has never offered me anything but support and i agreed to take them down with me. i knew joe would say that my line was tacky, slutty, and too over the top - i've been in the industry a long time and that's what normal people always say about my designs. and i ended up designing a few tasteful pieces with joe to show to buyers. but the result is me looking like a indecisive bimbo - which is exactly how i acted. i didn't realize then that the successes i've had are due to my aesthetic - that i'm not everyone else and that's what my customers like. even joe got frustrated with me because i didn't stand up for myself. insecurity is a blessing and a curse as it both drives and hinders me. so i've said it once and i'll say it again - be true to yourself. oh and watch the show - i did not go through that for nothin!

that brings me to another topic - i just got back from vacation where i read delivering happiness by tony hsieh (the founder of zappos.com). anyone who has or wants to run their own business must read it - truly mind blowing. i had a few epiphanies about the book but one strange one is that tony hsieh is a huge nerd. HUGE. a lot of the things he says make me cringe. there are qualities that i realize i consider uncool - taking oneself seriously, team spirit, promptness, formal communication, confidence. I'm going to start using caps now that I realize that's another one. Basically to me it's cool to be informal, self deprecating, funny, easy going. But those are not the qualities that make you successful (or look good on reality TV). It's a stupid, high school way of thinking I have to outgrow to achieve the success I'm working so hard for.

Another thing I loved about the book is that Tony Hsieh values kindness, honesty, and happiness in his company and attributes those values as keys to their success. A lot of times, especially for women and especially in fashion, you think you need to be a bitch to succeed. Nice to hear that isn't the case.

OK off to bed, tomorrow I'm starting filming on another reality show (sad but true).

WORLD'S LEAST LIKEABLE DESIGNER

2010-12-30T03:12:00.003-05:00

last night i was looking for pictures of isaac mizrahi's fall 1994 collection, the one that was documented in the movie "unzipped". it's the only remotely good thing i can ever recall him doing; my favorite looks were the ball gown skirts with wife beaters and fur chubbies. i'm feeling super casual with super dressy so wanted to revisit. the show is actually pretty hideous but i can see why i liked it - it's super bright, sparkly, and over the top and in the 90s that was not the norm. here's some terrible stills:

anyway i found my way onto isaac's wikipedia page and realized my distaste for the man is universally felt. wikipedia didn't even mention "unzipped", instead they focused on what a prick he is. i particularly enjoyed this tidbit: Mizrahi was an interviewer for The Red Carpet Show on E! for the Golden Globes in 2006. He took liberties with many female actresses, including looking down Teri Hatcher's dress, and feeling Scarlett Johansson's breast, over which she later expressed discomfort.[11] He drew attention to Hilary Swank about being single given that she recently separated from her husband, Chad Lowe. He also asked many celebrities whether they were wearing underwear.

a little more research yielded this gem, a quote from tim gunn who worked with mizrahi at liz claiborne: I was going to visit the Liz Claiborne showroom, with [company chairman] Bill McComb to see Isaac’s new collection. And all of a sudden, an arm comes down and blocks me. It was the security guard. ‘You’re not permitted here,’ he said. And Bill was going crazy: ‘What are you talking about? This is my company!’ And the security guard said, ‘I have explicit orders not to let you in.’

as much as i loved "project runway" i found "the fashion show" with mizrahi unwatchable and i can't even stomach the commercials for the new fashion show with iman. what made project runway so great was that the cliche fashion bitchiness was countered with the caring gunn, quirky heidi, and genuinely funny michael kors.

fashion as icy and untouchable seems hopelessly outdated to me. people want cruelty free, green, plus size, inexpensive. one of the most famous fashion writers right now is a 14 year old feminist geek. mind blowing! but tavi is so smart and has such a unique point of view. to me that's what the new age of fashion should be about - real talent and original thinking - not some washed up bitch hawking crap on qvc.

MY TWO FAVORITE PRODUCTS

2010-12-29T03:11:00.002-05:00

if you're not using these guys you're probably fat with short lashes and that, my friend, is no way to live

MULTI TASKING

2010-12-28T03:08:00.007-05:00

over christmas my dad suggested that my collection focus on beatles the band not beetles the bug and offered one of his ties (he considers himself a tie collector/expert) with beatles lyrics printed on it for inspiration. i don't really like music and i have absolutely no feelings towards the beatles, perhaps even a mild disregard so i'm gonna pass on that suggestion.

inspiration is actually the one thing i don't struggle with - i could come up with a different theme every day. one of my jobs was "director of color and concept" for express - it was amazing. i didn't have to get involved in the nitty gritty of design - i came up with the colors, prints and themes - the fun stuff - and i got paid for it!

now i have to do everything and it actually costs me money. in the last few weeks i've styled and retouched my spring lookbook (the second one - wasn't happy with the first), designed and sent out fall prints, e-mailed bloggers and stylists about the new collection, met with sales and pr showrooms, trafficed pr samples, made spring production orders, designed and sent out fall embellished pieces, updated and redesigned my website, started a blog, photographed samples for the on-line store, developed 2 custom pieces for clients, shopped vintage and new for embellishments and specs, paid invoices for make-up artists, hair stylists, photographers, factories and showrooms, sourced and bought fabric, and worked on 2 freelance projects.

i am a horrible combination of night owl, procrastinator and control freak. i'm really lucky to have an amazing assistant (love you amiko!) who is not only talented but extremely organized. she is going to be famous, i am 100% positive. however she insists on going to school, i have no idea why. well i know why but it still makes me mad.

i guess that brings me to my point - learn as many skills as possible before starting your own business. for a fashion line that's draping, pattern making, sewing, web design, jewelry making, photography, sketching, book keeping - the more you can do for yourself the cheaper it'll be and the happier you'll be with the results. i can't sew for shit and it is painful.

FALL 2011 MOOD BOARD

2010-12-23T03:05:00.001-05:00

OINKMENT

2010-12-21T03:04:00.001-05:00

a week ago i broke out in a disfiguring bout of adult acne the likes of which i had never seen. on anyone. years ago i had been prescribed a creme for a little eczema on my arm and had taken to moisturizing my face with it. turns out it's been thinning my skin ever since and it's a miracle i didn't get stretch marks ON MY FACE. now my skin is addicted and acting out but slowly recovering. luckily i work from home (still had to endure my housekeeper exclaiming "what happened to your face you look like 16 year old so many pimples!!!!). it's been traumatizing but i've learned some valuable lessons:

1. don't be down on your looks cause you could look so much worse
2. use only as directed
3. you can get addicted to anything
4. see a dermatologist regularly - purely out of vanity. think of it as make-up shopping, not seeing a doctor
5. clean your own house

PURE GOLD

2010-12-21T02:50:00.002-05:00

this type of magic occurs so rarely - something so big it makes you forget yourself completely: the election of obama, alexander mcqueen spring 2010, snookie getting punched in the face. the drunk fake medium devouring an electronic cigarette at camille's dinner on the housewives of beverly hills was 1 million karat gold. she is 38 years old but it was obvious from the start that she immediately regressed to the awkward, theatrically morose teenager she was in high school, putting spells on the girls that made fun of her and the boys that ignored her. if she was an actual psychic she could have warned camille of the fact that her husband kelsey grammer was currently impregnating a frumpy blond (below). actually if she was a real psychic she would have avoided the humiliating dinner altogether. whoopsie daisy

MARCHESA WEDDING GOWN

2010-12-20T03:02:00.001-05:00

my friend melody just sent me nicole richie's wedding gown and i'm dying over it. i never wanted an engagement ring til i saw her pink one from dj am and i've never wanted a big wedding until i saw this dress. people tell me i look like her but only when she's pregnant.

MY IDOL

2010-12-19T15:35:00.002-05:00

i've been watching married to rock on E! and i have to say i'm loving josie stevens. when you first see her you're like "oh dear lord what did her daddy do to her?" i assumed she must be crazy insecure - a caricature of everything that's wrong with LA. but now it seems like she just is who she is and doesn't care what other people think. she's a fairly successful make-up artist and playboy model and she is unabashedly dedicated to her trashy, pink, hello kitty aesthetic. a couple of months ago i was advised by an extremely important person in the fashion industry to tone down my designs, to be more tasteful and less over-the-top and as a result my biggest account skipped the season (i have since revised the collection to be more "me"). the most important thing for any designer is to have a point of view and to push it no matter what trends or advice come along. like josie

BEETLE MANIA CONTINUES...

2010-12-10T15:38:00.004-05:00

my friend lislie has been feeling inspired by beetles too and after seeing my print recommended phermone by christopher marley. i completely fell in love with the rainbow beetle layouts below - i emailed his studio to ask if i could do something similar - i hope they don't mind 'cause i did it already.

i mentioned earlier that my brother was an entomology major. at one point in my stellar scholastic career i dropped out of parsons and started attending the university of maryand for painting. i took an entomology class with my brother and ended up chasing bugs around in high heels for a semester. i remember being in my car and pulling a tick off of my head and putting it in a container of formaldehyde. while driving. here's the new beetle print i did based on the above concept. in the big version they're 8" tall - no idea how it'll look.

BEETLE MANIA!

2010-12-07T20:18:00.004-05:00

ugh i promised myself no typical play-on-word fashion titles and here i go - right out the box. i'm working on fall 2011 prints right now - my theme is dark iridescence and i'm especially feeling inspired by beetles. i honestly don't like animals or bugs - why i feel compelled to use them in every collection i have no idea.

*update: my brother said i played myself by not mentioning here that he was an entomology major in college. the last thing i want to do is play myself in my very first post so here you go.