Growing up in Towson, Maryland there's two things I wanted more than anything in the world: to be thin and to be white. The fat free craze really got me good. I only ate pasta and potatoes and wondered why I was chubby. Being Iranian wasn't fun either. My dad, then the president of the Iranian American Society, would receive bomb threats when he threw a party. If you didn't speak Farsi (as my brother and I don't) an IAS party was something to dread, when it was possibly your last party ever: total nightmare.

Moving to New York to go to fashion school was the best thing that could've happened to me. The only time you saw blondes was when a freshly gay dorm-mate donned his first wig. And the weight eventually came off, it's not like Parsons had a cafeteria. We smoked cigarettes, pulled all nighters, went clubbing, and fought over the only straight guy in school. 

The truth is being thin and fair skinned has a disadvantage: those women tend to wrinkle at an earlier age. This is due in no small part to struttin their stuff in bikinis for decades. Me, I was always in a black one piece under an umbrella, hiding from a potentially deeper shade of swarthy. 

Case in point:

This is Cameron Diaz in 2004 when she was 32. Gorgeous as always but looking older than most 32 years olds I know, probably due to all that frolicking in the sea that she does. Of course she looks exactly the same now, at 39, because of Botox. 

That brings me to another rant. Middle Eastern girls have two beauty advantages: long eyelashes and good skin. Now anyone can get eyelash extensions and Botox. But I guess we'd be nothing without nose jobs and laser hair removal. OK, moving on.

In London they call this beautiful. In New York we call this before. Let's try a lil botox, lip filler, and fake eyelashes.

Whoa she looks 10 years older. Sorry Kate, stay natural. Speaking of natural beauties...

This is Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta in 2008 when she was 29 years old.

These days you really can't get away with lying about your age and unbelievably Kim isn't. When she was 17 she had an affair with a Connecticut Police Sergeant. He was a 24 year veteran of the force and he ended up getting fired over it. Court documents state her age at the time because she was a minor so the ugly truth is spelled out for all to see. God damn she looks rough - a good example of plastic surgery making someone look older. 

So if you're pale use sunscreen and if you're not be grateful! 


  1. Cameron Diaz is finally showin her age. She wears very lil makeup. Bad Teacher was the first time she looked...I dunno...mortal.

  2. I want to say that Kim might look better if she didn't wear those crazy looking wigs, but I think it's a lie that I'm forcing myself to believe.

  3. Kim Zolciak needs to dress age appropriate!