When I think of a clever phrase I hit the world wide web to see if anyone else has used it. If not I start the trademark process (currently awaiting approval on SEX, DRUGS AND ESCARGOT and BLESS THIS HO AND ALL WHO ENTER IT). I wish the rest of the fashion industry would follow suit. If I have to read the headline "Prints Charming" one more fucking time I'm going to trademark it. You'll have to pay me for your lack of creativity. Unless of course you are featuring my designs. Then it's fine.



While the fashion world was sitting around feeling fat Burberry went and repeated their pre-Fall collection from last year. And no one noticed. Except this guy right here. You see, I'm still sharp as a tack. I didn't go home and gorge myself on turkey and fixins. No. I stayed in New York, weeping over delivered Chinese and painting an Octopus print. So here's their 2011 pre-Fall:

And here's their 2012 pre-Fall:

It's a mother fuckin outrage! Christopher Bailey has a 65 person design team at Burberry. How many designers does it take to change a tie belt to a bow belt? 66 apparently.

There's a lesson to be learned somewhere in here. Bailey is a multi-millionaire. I am not.




We are in the midst of a SEVERE trend drought the likes of which hasn't been seen since the 90s. When I was an infant.

First I thought it was just me. I don't necessarily get out as much as normal people. But I still do a lot of socializing. When I'm not on OKCupid instant messaging with a gorgeous, successful man you can find me on Tumblr questioning my decision to follow a 15 year old cutter with rainbow hair (if I stop following her will she hurt herself more?) You should really see the hair on Tumblr though, it's amazing. Here, I'll show you.

Fuckin nuts. And the manicures they come up with - beyond. Those are the trends - colorful hair, over the top nails and glittery shoes. But no clothes. Who wants another pair of skinny jeans or leggings? Hard to get excited about a maxi dress, mini dress, one shoulder or body con dress. I blame Prada and Gucci and the rest of those assholes. They've been pushing hideous colorblocking for a whole year. And the worst part is they're still sitting pretty selling handbags to old ladies while the 99% of the fashion world suffer.

The biggest victims are outfit bloggers and the girls that love them. Going to some sites now is like going to a strip club where all the girls are wearing Snuggies. Disappointing and unattractive. Thank god for Man Repeller, who is now on top. In times like these you need a sense of humor to survive.

Look at Rumi of Fashiontoast. She pretty much invented the brown ombre hair/tiny cut off shorts/ sexy boho thing. Everyone copied her look. Now her site is ground zero for the trend drought. Here's most of her outfits from the last 3 months.

I don't know what's worse, the repetitive sweater/skirt combo or the pants. Yes I do. The pants. No one with her body should hit the town in slacks. It's just wrong.

Luckily I have a solution. Wear my clothes. They never go out of style because they were never in style. Perhaps I should start a charity. I'm already unintentionally running a not-for-profit. Rumi, call me. Two words: cat! tee!



I'm obsessed with Tumblr. I can't believe how easy it is to find inspiring images for mood boards. We used to go to the magazine store and buy as much as we could carry - like $500 worth of stuff. Then we'd spend days flipping past ads and tearing out the same old crap. It was a wasteful and boring process.

It sneaks up on you - exaggerating like a senior citizen. It's like telling kids, "I knew you when you were this big!" You never think you're gonna be a cliche old person - and then one day you are. I'm making it like magazines were the quaint notion of a bygone era. They will be though!

Anyway I put these Fall 2012 mood boards together mostly from Tumblr images. I was especially inspired by:

I'm craving a complete departure from last season - no bright colors or short skirts. I feel like listening to Morrissey, dying my hair purple, and sketching dead animals. Who's old now? I'm me at 15. Thinking of calling it DEATH BY DROWNING.

Source for images can be found on my Tumblr



This lovely lady is Oneal Morris. She was recently arrested for performing medical procedures on another woman without a license.

Her patient went to the hospital several times with severe pain but got too embarrassed to tell the doctors what had happened and went home. Finally her mom rushed her to the hospital in the nick of time - she was almost dead. 

The victim was right to be embarrassed - she is the dumbest woman in the world. Personally I won't even get a blowout by someone with crooked eye brows because it means she's aesthetically challenged. So when a woman with a 25" waist and 95" hips attempts to inflate your buttocks with an unknown substance you head for the fuckin hills. Her top however is gorgeous. If she was wearing that top the day of the surgery I can understand why the victim looked past the red flags. You see, I designed that top.

Here it is in the DKNY Jeans showroom, many moons ago:

This photo also proves that I started the no pants trend

Oneal Morris, who is actually a transgendered man, inserted a tube into the woman's butt and pumped it with a mixture of cement, fix-a-flat tire sealant and mineral oil. He then sealed the wound with super glue. It's not surprising that the woman almost died. What is really fucking surprising is that Oneal has done this to himself and he's still walkin around in open toed sock-shoes and halter tops. That tranny is indestructible. Don't arrest it - study it!