A TALE OF TWO BIJANS (BIJAN PAKZAD, BIJAN SHAMS)

Apparently I am not the only completely ridiculous Persian fashion designer in the world. Meet Bijan, the self proclaimed king of Beverly Hills.

Those of you old enough to remember the 80s might remember Bijan.  Then it was all about Beverly Hills - there were Camp Beverly Hills t-shirts, Giorgio Beverly Hills perfume, Beverly Hills Cop movies, and of course Beverly Hills 90210.  Displaying your wealth was de rigueur and that's something Bijan wrote the book on.  He had a big perfume and was famous for designing a gun made of pure gold.

Well times have changed but Bijan has not.  My brother's name is also Bijan, so a friend of his came across this video (presumably while on-line stalking my brother).  Bijan (the brother) edited it down to a palatable length.

The amazing thing about this video is that Bijan thinks he is being charming.  It's like the only thing Americans loathe more than rich people is Middle Eastern people.  Wake up and smell the hate, Bij!

But the more I think about it the more I realize that to be successful you have to be delusional. Nothing will hold you back more than considering what other people will think, second guessing your ideas, or being self conscious.  People will talk shit no matter what you do so why not say fuck it and get rich?

When I was working at Express the incredibly successful CEO, asking about what to deliver in December (a season ridiculously called "Resort" because a tiny percentage of people go on vacation at this time) poised this question to the room: "What is our girl buying to wear on her Holiday in St.Tropez?"  So that's what she does with all the money she saves buying $39.99 dress slacks!

Some gems from Bijan the designer:

On his love life:  "My lady companion is 30 years old.  She's pretty and she's on her way to becoming an attorney and I love that."

On his price points:  "I happen to be the most expensive clothing designer in the world and (mock sympathy) I am sorry for that."

On his house keeper:  "That is Olivia and I love (corrects himself) like her very much."

In contrast, some gems from Bijan the brother:

On people:  "I hate everybody."

On current affairs:  "The world is ending."

On his sister:  "The best thing about you is that you don't think."

With that attitude I can tell you that Bijan the brother will never get what Bijan the designer ends his video with: George W. Bush saying, "You da man."

WORLD'S LEAST LIKEABLE DESIGNER

last night i was looking for pictures of isaac mizrahi's fall 1994 collection, the one that was documented in the movie "unzipped". it's the only remotely good thing i can ever recall him doing; my favorite looks were the ball gown skirts with wife beaters and fur chubbies. i'm feeling super casual with super dressy so wanted to revisit. the show is actually pretty hideous but i can see why i liked it - it's super bright, sparkly, and over the top and in the 90s that was not the norm. here's some terrible stills:




anyway i found my way onto isaac's wikipedia page and realized my distaste for the man is universally felt. wikipedia didn't even mention "unzipped", instead they focused on what a prick he is. i particularly enjoyed this tidbit: Mizrahi was an interviewer for The Red Carpet Show on E! for the Golden Globes in 2006. He took liberties with many female actresses, including looking down Teri Hatcher's dress, and feeling Scarlett Johansson's breast, over which she later expressed discomfort.[11] He drew attention to Hilary Swank about being single given that she recently separated from her husband, Chad Lowe. He also asked many celebrities whether they were wearing underwear.

a little more research yielded this gem, a quote from tim gunn who worked with mizrahi at liz claiborne: I was going to visit the Liz Claiborne showroom, with [company chairman] Bill McComb to see Isaac’s new collection. And all of a sudden, an arm comes down and blocks me. It was the security guard. ‘You’re not permitted here,’ he said. And Bill was going crazy: ‘What are you talking about? This is my company!’ And the security guard said, ‘I have explicit orders not to let you in.’

as much as i loved "project runway" i found "the fashion show" with mizrahi unwatchable and i can't even stomach the commercials for the new fashion show with iman. what made project runway so great was that the cliche fashion bitchiness was countered with the caring gunn, quirky heidi, and genuinely funny michael kors.

fashion as icy and untouchable seems hopelessly outdated to me. people want cruelty free, green, plus size, inexpensive. one of the most famous fashion writers right now is a 14 year old feminist geek. mind blowing! but tavi is so smart and has such a unique point of view. to me that's what the new age of fashion should be about - real talent and original thinking - not some washed up bitch hawking crap on qvc.

MULTI TASKING

over christmas my dad suggested that my collection focus on beatles the band not beetles the bug and offered one of his ties (he considers himself a tie collector/expert) with beatles lyrics printed on it for inspiration. i don't really like music and i have absolutely no feelings towards the beatles, perhaps even a mild disregard so i'm gonna pass on that suggestion.

inspiration is actually the one thing i don't struggle with - i could come up with a different theme every day. one of my jobs was "director of color and concept" for express - it was amazing. i didn't have to get involved in the nitty gritty of design - i came up with the colors, prints and themes - the fun stuff - and i got paid for it!

now i have to do everything and it actually costs me money. in the last few weeks i've styled and retouched my spring lookbook (the second one - wasn't happy with the first), designed and sent out fall prints, e-mailed bloggers and stylists about the new collection, met with sales and pr showrooms, trafficed pr samples, made spring production orders, designed and sent out fall embellished pieces, updated and redesigned my website, started a blog, photographed samples for the on-line store, developed 2 custom pieces for clients, shopped vintage and new for embellishments and specs, paid invoices for make-up artists, hair stylists, photographers, factories and showrooms, sourced and bought fabric, and worked on 2 freelance projects.

i am a horrible combination of night owl, procrastinator and control freak. i'm really lucky to have an amazing assistant (love you amiko!) who is not only talented but extremely organized. she is going to be famous, i am 100% positive. however she insists on going to school, i have no idea why. well i know why but it still makes me mad.

i guess that brings me to my point - learn as many skills as possible before starting your own business. for a fashion line that's draping, pattern making, sewing, web design, jewelry making, photography, sketching, book keeping - the more you can do for yourself the cheaper it'll be and the happier you'll be with the results. i can't sew for shit and it is painful.

OINKMENT

a week ago i broke out in a disfiguring bout of adult acne the likes of which i had never seen. on anyone. years ago i had been prescribed a creme for a little eczema on my arm and had taken to moisturizing my face with it. turns out it's been thinning my skin ever since and it's a miracle i didn't get stretch marks ON MY FACE. now my skin is addicted and acting out but slowly recovering. luckily i work from home (still had to endure my housekeeper exclaiming "what happened to your face you look like 16 year old so many pimples!!!!). it's been traumatizing but i've learned some valuable lessons:

1. don't be down on your looks cause you could look so much worse
2. use only as directed
3. you can get addicted to anything
4. see a dermatologist regularly - purely out of vanity. think of it as make-up shopping, not seeing a doctor
5. clean your own house

MY IDOL

i've been watching married to rock on E! and i have to say i'm loving josie stevens. when you first see her you're like "oh dear lord what did her daddy do to her?" i assumed she must be crazy insecure - a caricature of everything that's wrong with LA. but now it seems like she just is who she is and doesn't care what other people think. she's a fairly successful make-up artist and playboy model and she is unabashedly dedicated to her trashy, pink, hello kitty aesthetic. a couple of months ago i was advised by an extremely important person in the fashion industry to tone down my designs, to be more tasteful and less over-the-top and as a result my biggest account skipped the season (i have since revised the collection to be more "me"). the most important thing for any designer is to have a point of view and to push it no matter what trends or advice come along. like josie